Date a Woman - A Response to Rosemarie Urquico
Monday, March 7, 2011 at 10:15PM "Date a Girl Who Reads" by Rosemarie Urquico has been making the internet rounds. I can't seem to track down anything about the original author aside from that the piece seemed to have originated on www.goodreads.com.
It annoyed me enough to craft a response.
EDIT: AHA! She has been found.
Date a girl that reads. Date a girl who's shelves are filled with staggering works of literary genius. Discover that she will have perhaps read half of those books and find it charming. Dream that this girl, who understands Joyce and Murakami, will be the manic pixie girl of your fantasies. That she will make you see the world in better way. Imagine trips to Paris where you browse book vendors stalls and sip espresso in a cafe by the Seine. Hope that she will finally be the key to your happiness.
Date her and realize the reality. Understand that she hasn't read half her books because she's too busy at her part time job to pick one up. That when she comes home from a 12 hour shift, or from studying at the library all day, she's too tired to do anything but flip on the TV. Try not to be angry when she doesn't feel like going to the used bookstore (she can't really afford it anyways). Feel guilty when she desperately tries to make things better.
Pick a fight with her. Make her cry. Break up. Hope that life is like a story and that the two of you will have a good ending.
You'll wonder why it didn't work. You'll ask yourself why she didn't make you see your life in a rosy coloured glow. You'll try to understand why this girl, who understands the heartbreak and beauty of literature, didn't understand you.
You'll look at your own life and realize you feel empty.
Do you need a partner to feel whole?
No. So instead, make your own story. Reach an understanding that the day you interrupted your dream girl reading at the coffee shop, she might have just rather been left alone to enjoy herself. That she needs to create her own story too. That no other person carries the keys to your happiness but you. Apologize; or don't. But be happy. Or try to be.
And then fall in love with someone else who is happy. Or tries to be. Realize that happiness doesn't always look the same.
So, date a woman who loves to read. Date a woman who loves to play Dungeons and Dragons. Date a woman who is proud that they can name every bone and muscle in the human body. Date a woman who likes to run. Date a woman who likes to dance. Date a woman who laughs loudly, or date a woman who enjoys the quiet. One is not better than the other.
Date a woman and know that they couldn't possibly make you happy all of the time. That they will get angry and be sad, and whether or not they love Lewis Carol won't change that.
You'll be angry and sad too, sometimes. Accept it and move on.
Just find a woman - a person - who makes you happy, and never ask anything more from them than that. Do the same in return.
But if you really think it's a reader, or worse, a writer that will make you happy, understand this. That in return for their imagination you will deal with writer's block, depression, and substance abuse. Maybe. That you will always wonder where the next rent cheque is coming from. That they will face more barriers to work than their male counterparts and thus will have a harder time getting published.
Understand that you will see them fail more than you will see them succeed, and every time that happens it will wrench your heart apart. But if you can handle this, if you can love this person with all their flaws and not ask them to fix you, then yes.
By all means, date a writer.
Reader Comments (2)
Thank you.
are you kidding? how insulting is this.
That in return for their imagination you will deal with writer's block, depression, and substance abuse. Maybe. That you will always wonder where the next rent cheque is coming from. That they will face more barriers to work than their male counterparts and thus will have a harder time getting published.
A woman can be successful, imaginative, creative, and love books without being depressed. The article is just romanticizing the literate woman. Chill.